Posted 3 months ago Comments

Kalau memang kata orang itu benar, bahwa pasti ada saatnya kita jatuh..
maka saat2 ini lah giliranku..

aku jatuh

makin lama makin dalam

sampai aku tak bisa bangun sendiri lagi

aku terlalu lelah mencoba sendiri

hingga ku akhirnya coba buang rasa malu dan gengsi

lalu mulai berbisik minta tolong

setiap kali ku minta tolong

seperti putus cinta, aku tak rela

malu..

gambar diri yang telah selalu ada

kini ku robek sendiri pelan2

sakit..

namun

aku mau mencoba

walau dengan bantuan orang lain

aku mau mencoba

walau malu.. sakit.. susah.. dan lama..

aku tetap mau mencoba

karena aku sendiri yang akan menjawab
“kapan giliranku berdiri?”

Heidelberg, den 01. August 2009
Jesica

:

Posted 3 months ago Comments

I’m counting the days..
for me to come home again..
finally..

impatiently waiting..

being there..
is what I want..

feeling home..
is what I miss..

I’m counting the days..

impatiently..

Heidelberg, 1st August 2009
Jesica

:

Posted 4 months ago Comments

now it seems that everything is just pitch black.. no light.. no way.. no chance.. no hope..

confused..

all alone..

and I think.. I really need to get beaten hard.. so that I can come back to my sense..
and do everything properly..
just like how it used to be..

but somehow..
it’s not going to work again..

I’m being resistant..
I think..
LOL

Heidelberg, den 13. Juli 2009
Jesica

:

Posted 5 months ago Comments

back then..

neither on our mother’s
nor on our father’s

but on 27th June, 28th July and 20th December..
almost every year..

there were cakes and candles..
singing.. clapping..
there were joys and laughters..
praying.. hoping..

back then..

mum was always busy preparing the cake..

.. once we bought it together from a bakery.. and it was fantastic.. with the black forest and cherry all over it..
.. once her friend made it.. and it was way too sweet.. and we decided not to ever request from her again..
.. once she made it herself and it wasn’t successful.. and she said she’ll never made any again.. but you know what? it was surely the best birhtday cake we’ve ever tasted..

.. and once it was too late to buy.. so she stapled some mini donuts.. put candles on it.. and together with our granny we celebrated..

back then..

we always waited for our hardworking father coming back home..
he was tired but always smiled..

.. once he couldn’t make it in time.. but we waited for him..
the young girls couldn’t wait patiently.. were angry.. and blamed him..
the young girls couldn’t understand him..

.. and now.. thinking about it again.. I say to myself..
“I should have waited patiently.. I should have understood him better”
“I am sorry”

back then..

we wore our best dress.. and tried hard to look pretty..
and the birthday girl.. she must have been anxious.. about the cake.. about blowing the candles and cutting the cake..
.. and about the present..
“What could my mum and dad have bought for me?”
— this thought rang in the head.. not since the morning.. but already days before..
haha.. what a child.. :)

and back then..

when we all were ready..
with the birthday girl in the center.. we sang “Happy Birthday”.. “Selamat Ulang Tahun”.. and “Panjang Umurnya”
then she blew the candle.. and we together prayed.. her parents.. her sisters.. and she..
.. these prayers.. prayers from her parents and sisters.. they always were, are and will be with her.. and give her strength to walk her way..
then she cut the cake.. and we ate.. and we laughed.. and we took pictures..
and it was a day.. and we slept..

…

and now..

how I miss those moments..

I love you..

Heidelberg, 22nd June 2009
five days before Osi’s 19th Birthday

Jesica

:

Posted 5 months ago Comments

tiba-tiba teringat padanya..
rumahku..

bukan bangunan besar dan megah itu..
bukan dinding tebal perkasa itu..

tapi pada senyum seorang mama..
dan kumis seorang papa..
pada entuk-entuknya seorang adik..
dan marahnya seorang kakak..

mereka..
membuatku menangis..

menangis rindu

mereka..
rumahku..
kepadanya lah aku kan kembali

Heidelberg, 15 Juni 2009
Jesi

: